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100facesof.me

Day 42 of 100

Black-and-white close crop of a bearded man in a white t-shirt, head bowed into a heavily tattooed hand covering his face.
Day 42 / 100 Weight 350.1 (+1 lb) Itchy Sony A7R5 50mm f/2 1/250 ISO 100

“I’ll try everything once.”

I was really struggling. In the last few months at Amazon I was working to build a team that helped startups get connected to some of the largest companies in the world. Everything you know about Amazon’s working back process we did. The six-page document we wrote underwent more than 130 revisions. We presented it to Andy Jassy (who was CEO of AWS at the time). We got funding and built the program. It was a lot.

And in the middle of it all, I was suffering with pain in my hip, my brain was deeply fogged, and every day around 1pm I desperately needed a nap. I was deeply depressed with no line towards resolution. I cried all the time and was just miserable.

It was no way to live.

I decided I was at a crossroads. I could not imagine the next several decades of my life unraveling like it currently was. I promised before making any permanent decisions about my life, I would try everything once. Every doctor. Every therapist. Everyone at least once.

So I got a new therapist which led to a new psychiatrist. I flew to Los Angeles to see an anti-aging doctor to get my hormone levels checked. And yes, I even went to my primary care physician to have all kinds of other tests.

Nothing helped. Well, that’s not true. I also started going to Alcoholics Anonymous, and while I can’t explain it, it made me feel better about myself.

One day I was at the psychiatrist and she asked me if I had ever been tested for Lyme disease. She suggested a naturopath in town and I made an appointment. The naturopath practiced muscle testing, where they touch you in several places and then tell you what supplements to take. Yeah, it was weird, but I committed to trying everything once.

She also gave me about 15 blood and other tests. Finally after about a month, she called. I did have Lyme. I asked what could I do to fix it. She said it was chronic and I would have to manage it the rest of my life. We adjusted my treatment, and over a few months I began to feel better and better until I finally felt good enough to move forward with life.

In the midst of this, I had quit Amazon and helped found an incubator in partnership with Madrona Venture Group. As 2019 ended, I knew that I wanted to spend time getting better, so left Madrona.

Turns out 2020 was a good year to focus on my health.