Skip to content
100facesof.me

Day 44 of 100

Sepia-toned instant photo, close-up of a bearded man in chunky white-framed glasses, only forehead, eyes and mustache in frame.
Photo 1
Tight low-angle close-up of a bearded man in dark glasses and a cap, face lit warmly against deep shadow.
Photo 2
Day 44 / 100 Weight Decided to not weigh myself this week Calm and focused Polaroid Supercolor Sun 670AF w/ Polaroid Original Film

It was one of the hardest days of my life.

I had gone to pick up my dogs, Billie and Cassidy, at doggie day care as I did every day. And, as I did every day, they ran along the fence next to the road and then jumped into my car.

Billie was my first dog. She never really liked toys, but loved other dogs. I got her Cassidy, a pit/lab mix that was nothing but love. The two of them were like the Tasmanian Devil when they played, which was all day every day.

I was, as was normal those days, not exactly sober when I went to pick up the dogs. I wore a Philadelphia 76ers vintage jersey and probably hadn’t showered in a few days.

I got to the day care, checked my dogs out, opened the front door and let them run along the fence. As I watched them run I saw a Boxer on the other side of the street. I yelled at them, “Come!” just as they noticed the dog. Billie turned and ran towards me, and Cassidy ran towards the boxer.

A car came out of nowhere and slammed into her full speed. They stopped for a second and then sped off. The sound is something that sits with me still. I ran to Cassidy, and picked her up. The day care staff came running out of the building and as I walked towards them, I felt Cassidy’s last breath.

“Put her in the back of your SUV!” They yelled at me. They started CPR and mouth to mouth. I knew it was pointless, but let them do it anyway. After about ten minutes I said “It’s ok. She is gone” as I placed my hand on the woman’s shoulder. She stopped CPR and started crying.

I asked what I should do, and they offered to keep Billie at the day care while I drove to a 24 hour vet to take care of Cassidy. I put a blanket over her in my trunk, and drove to the vet hospital.

As it started to rain, I got to the vet. I sat in the parking lot and just lost it. Sobs followed sobs and halting breaths followed hard exhales. I got myself together and went into the hospital. “My dog got hit by a car and died.” I whispered. “Are you sure?” They asked.

“Yes.”

They took a gurney outside and rolled Cassidy into the building. I had chosen to not get her ashes back as I was feeling an immense guilt and couldn’t bear it.

I drove back to pick up Billie, and she jumped into the trunk and sniffed where Cassidy lay. I drove home, put her on my bed and immediately went to the Boulder Humane Society website to get Billie a new dog.

The very last dog was sitting there with a long nose and big ears. I showed Billie the picture and she wagged her tail. “That’s our dog, Billie.” She seemed to agree.

Then I looked at her name.

Cassidy.