Day 57 of 100

“Let’s talk about weight, bay-bee”

I have been doing this project for about two and a half months. When I started I would list my age, weight, mood, and the camera I used to shoot the photo.

After a couple I stopped listing my age since it never changed, but left the other three. As someone who lives with bipolar, anxiety, and depression tracking mood is a daily thing. I thought it would be interesting to see how my mood shifts from day to day.

Listing the camera was a reminder to myself of what I used to take the photo.

Weight? I listed it partly as an accountability thing, but mostly to see how the changes in my weight matched the changes in my mood.

I wrote stories about good and bad things in my life. Substance abuse, health issues, starting and selling companies, etc. I’ve even written about my alcoholic style of eating.

Of all of that the most aggressive responses I get are about my weight. Offers to train me. Offers to feed me. Offers to fix me.

Here is the thing, you have no idea why I am struggling with my weight. Shit, you have no idea if I am struggling with my weight. All you see is the photos and the number and make assumptions.

Frankly, it’s not a good look.

I have learned a lot about what is holding me back from being as mobile as I want to be. None of it is knowledge. None of it is willpower. None of it is your business.

Know that the things that are holding me back are also the things that I am working on. It is not an overnight solution. It is not easy. It is a lot of work and there are no shortcuts (yes, I know there are drugs, you don’t think I’ve explored them?)

I will get there when I am able. I am getting closer every day. My weight is mine. The solution is mine. And the goal will be mine as well.