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100facesof.me

Day 83 of 100

Black-and-white tight crop on a bearded man's mouth and chin, lips closed, gray-streaked beard catching light against a dark background.
Day 83 / 100 Weight 338.3 Enthralled Sony A7R5 24mm f/6.3 1/160 ISO800

“I am five years sober. Today.”

That’s what I said tonight in my AA meeting. And it felt weird.

On one hand it was wonderful to look around and see people who have been with me on the journey since day one. Seeing people genuinely excited for me made me feel so very good.

But on another hand I was thinking about the 13 plus years that I wasn’t sober. My life then was low, very low. While the amount of drinking and whatnot I was doing would ebb and flow, my mental and emotional state continued to just deteriorate over the years.

What was different this time than the first time I tried to get sober in 2006? Well the easy thing is to say Alcoholics Anonymous, but that’s too easy of a statement. AA is not magic. But it is a system for living, and more importantly, a community. And within that community was a fellowship of people that cared about, well, me.

And what started to happen over the course of the last five years is that I too began to care about me. In caring for myself, I found myself starting to care about others. Why? I don’t know. Although there is no secret in living a spiritual life. One just does the right thing; chooses truth over everything; and helps others.

I don’t do it right always, in fact I mess up a lot. But each step to left or right opens up a path forward, and I continue to move upwards. And in all that movement, I am becoming closer to the person I want to be.

So here I am. Five years sober today. A different person, in a different place, living a different life. How awesome is that?