Day 26 of 100

Fuck the world, don’t ask me for shit / Everything you get you gotta work hard for it — Notorious B.I.G.

When I got sober the first time, I set up two rules for my life.

Rule 1: Always tell the truth and answer any question; and Rule 2: Always do the right thing, even if the right thing is detrimental to me.

I took those two rules seriously, and still do. Ask me a question, I’ll tell you no lie. I’m not perfect, but more often than not I do the right thing.

Coupled with those rules, I also dedicated my life to service. To being of service. It is more than doing nice things for people, it’s about adding more value than you extract on a daily basis. I am not perfect, but I generally am helpful and additive.

I spent most of my growing up seeing the world as a hard place that I didn’t fit in. A world that was made for people that didn’t look, sound, or think like me. Fuck the world. It never gave me anything. Everything I have achieved I have done on my own. I worked hard for it.

Except the truth was I never asked for help. I still struggle to ask for help. How would anyone know that I needed help if I didn’t ask? Do you know that I have never been set up on a date? When I have asked friends why, they say “It never seems like you need anyone.”

Fuck the world. Everything I have gotten I have worked hard for it.

When I got sober this last time I added a third rule.

Rule 3: Allow others to be of service. Asking for help involves more strength than walking alone.

Now I put myself out there. I write these stories. I talk to friends. I am still of service, but I allow others to be of service as well. I ask for help, and the fear I have always had that when I asked the answer would be no has been proved wrong again and again.

I am not perfect. I need help sometimes. And I’ve learned to ask.