Day 49 of 100

“So often, fear and fuck-its drive me.”

Nine months ago I had no idea how to take a photo, and now here I am with strobe lights, a photo backdrop, and a light meter. And I know how to use them. And more often than not, when I click the shutter I get a serviceable photo.

I am proud of me. There aren’t a lot of things I am proud of, but as I get older it gets easier to extract judgment and inject fulfillment. Photography really does it for me.

I’ve been asked why I started this 100 day project. To be honest, I dove into it like I do most things. Someone suggested I try the project. Use it as a way of learning how to do portrait photography. I agreed.

When I posted my first photo to Instagram, I needed a caption so I wrote one. The combination seemed to resonate so I continued it.

The truth is that I am too afraid to ask friends to take their photos, so I take mine. I’m getting better at asking, but I still freeze up.

I have faced enough rejection that I default to rejection. Ask someone to coffee and they will probably find a reason to bail. It’s such a common trope that I actively avoid it.

So I’ve convinced myself I like being alone. I no longer think that’s true. I’ve written my story to not need any other characters and that is just how my life has developed.

I think it’s why I like photography so much. I really like taking pictures of people which requires me to step out of my comfort zone. I’m pushing myself and growing slowly, and that wouldn’t happen without photography.

Most of the best things in my life have come from me simply taking the first step and committing to the activity. Simply saying “fuck it. Let’s go.”

In this case, I’m glad I did.