Day 95 of 100

“Why am I still doing this?”

When I started this 100 photo project, I was unsure of where it would go. Would I get bored and stop? Would I have enough self worth to post the photos? Would I get better, or just find out that I wasn’t a good photographer?

As each day passed, I got more and more interested in the technical aspects of photography. How does this lens make my face look? How about that one? I played with distances and settings and it has been amazing watching my skills grow.

But my face, well that is a different matter. I could wear different hats and shirts, but posing just feels weird. Like how many ways could I smile? And I never expected to have so many people comment on how I looked in the photos.

I get people talking about my weight, after all I put it in the header of each photo. Initially I put it there for accountability, but when I struggled to lose weight, I stopped really caring. Didn’t stop people from commenting though…

The biggest thing I realized is that the sharpness of the camera hid nothing in my face. That wrinkle I wanted out, nope, it’s there. That blemish. In living color. Early on I tried to do a lot of post processing to calm down the imperfections, but after a time I started to just accept my face for what it was, namely my face.

I leaned into the posing. I tried to add motion and energy and personality. Sometimes, I did it well; sometimes less so, but each time I began to accept me as me and became more comfortable in my skin. It helped me decide to start getting my life in order.

I got a friend to help me organize my house, I bought some furniture to replace old furniture, I hung more art.

And now I am doing something I never thought I would do, invite people over. That’s weird. That’s strange. That’s new.

Life is a wondrous strange road. Who knew taking photos would change mine?