Day 97 of 100

“Lockdown.”

Like I even have to write the year. We all dealt with it. From about March 2020 until some point in 2021, I considered myself in isolation.

And it was. Other than the global pandemic, I kinda enjoyed 2020. I got to spend every day with my dog Taylor in the last years of her life. I got used to having everything delivered. Friends on zoom. I set up calls with cousins that I hadn’t talked to in years, and loved it. I even enjoyed AA meetings over zoom.

But as the pandemic progressed, my house became more about keeping people out rather than me staying inside. Boxes piled up. There were stacks of stuff everywhere. Everything was just haphazard. My house became the excuse for me not getting out into the world.

And it stayed that way into 2023. After a lot of therapy and discussions about being alone, I knew that I didn’t want to be alone forever. I knew that I might be, after all I ain’t a spring chicken, but I didn’t want to be. So I hatched a plan.

Step 1) Get a puppy. I needed to get outside and walk the dog. Check. Now if she would just be ok being alone.

Step 2) Get my house organized. I wanted to invite people over, so the house needed love. I lucked into finding someone who has become one of my best friends to help out. Check.

Step 3) Lose Weight. That was a sticky one. Since I was little my weight has been an issue of more than just existing in excess. It was wrapped into my trauma. But I decided it was time for me to put my all into that. So far, so good. Ongoing Check.

Step 4) Date. Now this was the hardest one as I have never been much of a dater. My relationships have sort of all just happened. And the world of dating is so different now. It’s all app based. So I downloaded apps. Working on it. Check.

I know that my decision to enter the outside world is a good one. I’m still not there yet. I fight to say yes to going out, and prefer to stay in. But I am working on it, and I know my decision to be less isolated is a good one.